


(why can't i) love you in slow motion

by jaepomme



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M, character ages have been altered to fit their roles!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 17:46:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6866785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaepomme/pseuds/jaepomme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the hospital is no place for romance; there are no happy endings between nurses and terminally ill patients.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(why can't i) love you in slow motion

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gotchick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotchick/gifts), [sunblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunblue/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



jinyoung has always known that he'd grow up servicing people.

when he was fifteen and yugyeom was twelve, they had gone biking along the han river, and like all boys their age, they were reckless and carefree. with the belief that they were invincible, they had forgone the helmets, with yugyeom insisting that the august breeze felt good through his hair and jinyoung was all too happy to comply, not wanting the helmet to deform his new hairstyle. and like all other boys their age, they learned the hard way that helmet regulations were in place for a reason, when yugyeom's front tire’s collision with an unfortunate pebble sent the gangly, long-limbed teenager (literally) head over heels into the asphalt. there was a heartbeat of stunned silence before a wail sounded from the gentle giant, and jinyoung’s caring instincts kicked in as he set his bike carefully on its side, crouching next to the boy whose alligator tears were now lining his cheeks and instead of losing his shit at the sight of blood, he calmly peels off the bandana off yugyeom’s forehead before pressing it to his ankle, ignoring the cry of agony and the tugging of his own heartstrings at the younger’s evident distress.

needless to say, jinyoung piggybacked yugyeom home (all 156 centimetres of him!), their bikes shackled to one of the lampposts on the side of the road (they would go back later to find the lock cut and the bicycles missing, but that was the least of their worries).

at eighteen, jinyoung is in his biology class, and a bunch of girls (most likely trying to catch the attention of the boys, who were surprisingly focused on their dissection) were fooling around with the scalpels, the teacher’s warnings about how the instruments were far sharper than they appeared to be. it was only a matter of time before one of the girls let out a shrill squeal, the steel blade dropping to the ground as she clutched her finger, red beading from a thin slit on her thumb. amidst the pandemonium, jinyoung found himself next to her, his uniform tie bound tightly around the appendage and his voice low and steady as he attempted to keep her levelheaded (he found out later she was hemophiliac, hence the dramatic and alarming amount of blood), lips pursed in concentration and eyebrows adorably pinched together.

the girl ended up going to the hospital, and she shyly asked him afterwards if he would accompany her to the formal boat party near the end of their school year (he had declined her politely with the excuse that he already had plans with his _chingus_ to go as a group of single men).

today, he is twenty-five and stands proud and tall in his white uniform, exuding a perfect balance of warmth and professionalism as he approaches the double doors of the renal ward as park jinyoung, registered nurse.

 

— •

 

somehow he had never grown out of his playful tendencies, flashing subtle smirks at some of the newer, younger female nurses to fluster them in the lunchroom or allowing himself to slip into _satoori_ as he stepped into a doctor’s office, ‘seokjin hyung~’ on his lips instead of the usual ‘uisa seonsaengnim’ he referred to them in front of patients and other staff. despite his mischievous side, jinyoung displayed nothing but confidence and precision when acting as a nurse, treating each patient with utmost respect and care no matter how trivial or menial their requests would be. even if there was nothing more he could do for a patient, he would offer them a bright smile unhindered even by the surgical mask stretched across his cheeks, the crinkle of his eyes a testimony of his sincerity.

the thing about working in a renal ward, was it was devastating to be in there at all, as a patient; kidney disease was an unwanted lifelong contract where it was a race between your kidneys and your other organs to see which would give out first. would it be the diabetes that robs the patient of their livelihood, or would it be one of the multiple comorbidities that often accompanied kidney disease? either way, kidney disease was a life sentence, which was why jinyoung made it a point to never get too comfortable or attached to his patients. a lonely, widowed ahjumma from jejudo with no suitable living donors and children scattered across the globe; a businessman who struggled daily between his health and his need to provide for his daughter’s university education; a former ballet dancer who lay against the crisp white sheets, a shell of her past self as she stared at the blank television screen; a chaebol flanked with a beefy bodyguard, wary of anyone who approached him or his charge, who looked frail as ever with his spidery veins purple against pale skin. that was the thing— kidney disease doesn't discriminate, it doesn't care how important you are, doesn't care whether you have a bunch of mouths at home that need to be fed, doesn't care if you have an empire to run and employees waiting for orders and paychecks, it doesn't care about your will to live.

 

— •

 

he hears a collective groan from the nurses’ station, and he wanders in the general direction just enough to catch the ends of a conversation. “... _young guy, what a shame_ …”, “but he crashed into the er? another in-patient, aish…” and he halts in his tracks as the heads turn towards him. jinyoung’s already mentally berating himself for his curiosity, because without them even having to say so, he already knew that it was his turn to take care of the in-patient, especially because he had evaded the last two he was assigned to. he offers the females a weak smile, hand outstretched begrudgingly for the order they passed to him, the sheet still warm from the printer.

he prepares his cart in silence, fingers busying themselves with collecting the necessary solutions and needles and eyes giving the order sheet a once over. _huh_ , he thinks to himself, an eyebrow arching at the age of the patient. _1992? he's about the same age i am, then_.

pushing the thoughts of the patient out of his head, jinyoung leaves the ward, shooting a scathingly playful glare at joohyun, the older woman returning nothing but innocent flutters of her eyelashes and a carefree wave. _brat noona_ , he murmurs fondly under his breath. joohyun may be 2 years older than him, but she certainly didn't look or act the part.

 

— •

 

the nurse-in-charge whispers him a quiet _good luck_ as he makes a bee-line for the huddled up figure on bed 17, parking the cart right at the foot of the bed. jinyoung extends a gentle hand to rest on the shoulder of the figure, and upon the lack of response, he shakes the lump gently. a shock of black hair and mono-lidded eyes peek out from above the sheets, the eyes squinting into mere slits in a glare at the sight of him.

jinyoung tries again, a different approach. “good afternoon, im jaebum-sshi, my name is jinyoung and i’m the nurse a--” but he doesn't even get to finish his greeting before a hand has shot out from the mess of the sheets, the rigid palm deterring him from continuing.

“cut the crap, i know what you're here for.” the figure on the bed shifts again and the thin hospital blanket is pushed down to reveal a young adult, a resigned defiance evident on his features (and by the way his jaw was firmly clenched) as he rubbed at his face tiredly with the hand not attached to an iv. jinyoung swallows his words, already accustomed to dealing with cranky patients (he couldn’t blame them at all) as he reached gently for the male’s arm, and after a moment of resistance, the patient allows him access to his forearm. jaebum’s fistula obviously hasn’t been used (or tended to) in a while; the thickened blood vessel tortuous but there was still a steady thrill upon touch.

jinyoung works quietly and precisely, the touch of his gloved fingertips light against the raised skin as he tries to figure out the best angle and position for him to insert the two needles, and he barely catches the way jaebum’s face turns away as he successfully slides in the first 14 gauge needle and secures the tubing in place with two strips of tape against his forearm.

it doesn’t take long for him to work in the second needle, the patient’s free hand clenching slightly as the needle works its way around a bend, and jinyoung murmurs a soft apology before situating the arm back into a comfortable position on the bed. he fiddles with the dialysis machine for a moment before he settles onto the stool beside the patient, trying to ignore the waves of hostility that emanated from the figure on the bed, who had curled up on his side once more, his back to jinyoung.

silence follows for the first half an hour, and he tries to focus his attention on the dialysis machine’s alarms instead, adjusting the settings to match the orders given by the doctor on duty (he’d have to go whine at seokjin later about why the prescription was so complicated) and he misses the first time jaebum clears his throat to catch his attention, but then it takes only a cough for jinyoung’s attention to be zeroed in on him. “i know i’m supposed to be watching my fluids, but can i have some water..?”

jinyoung complies silently and he’s back at jaebum’s side within seconds with a straw in one hand and a cup of warm water in the other hand. jaebum reaches for the cup but the tremor in his hands are evident, and jinyoung shakes his head ever so slightly, grip on the plastic tight as he leans forward, directing the straw to the patient’s lips. there’s resentment in jaebum’s eyes, but he parts his lips anyways, drawing back after seconds to run the tip of his tongue over parched lips, and jinyoung watches him, lips pursed ever so slightly behind his mask. there’s something about this jaebum-- he’s hostile and defensive and resentful, but beneath the cold front, he can see the vulnerable nature of the other man. jaebum’s about to crane his head for another sip before jinyoung pulls it away, a slight frown pinching his eyebrows together.

and jaebum goes back to being hostile. the corners of his lips turn down in an obvious grimace, shooting jinyoung another dirty look but miraculously doesn’t turn away from him again, studying him with a blank gaze. jinyoung takes the time to break the silence.

“this isn’t your first time on dialysis, right?” this information was easily accessible to him; jinyoung could’ve just searched jaebum up on the computer and he’d be able to read through the other male’s entire medical history, but something about that felt intrusive, and by the way the male held himself, it would be another jab in his pride. a few minutes of silence passes and jinyoung doesn’t think he’s going to get an answer, but jaebum tilts his head just enough to look up at him, voice gruff.

“yeah,” he exhaled, and jinyoung thinks that’s all he’d get out of him but jaebum licks at his lips again before continuing. “they said i recovered function or something before, but apparently i’ve been on the decline again and i didn’t know.”

it sounded an awful lot more like denial than ‘not knowing’; if you had kidney disease once, wouldn’t you be all too familiar with the symptoms and warning signs that your illness was flaring up again? nonetheless, jinyoung doesn’t press further, a low hum sounding from his throat before he leans forward with his elbows on his knees and chin rested in his hands, and the other male's already leaning back. “well, jaebum-sshi, we’ll be seeing each other about 20 hours a week anyways, so,” jaebum pales at this, nose crinkling up ever so slightly in displeasure. “why don’t we get acquainted? tell me a bit about yourself.”

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone ;_ ; i'm jaepomme! (reason for my name-- i've always wanted to explain this but i never got a chance to, uhuh. i adore jaebum and pomme kinda sounds similar to 'bum'... and pomme is apple, so he's the apple of my eye, but i also call him a potato a lot (pomme de terre) so it goes either ways!) this is my first fic on here; i've actually never written for got7 so i'm a little nervous cus of all the fantastic writers here! super sorry that my first work's about a character death but i'm the angst-y type, eheu. this fic (or at least this first chapter!) is dedicated to gotchick and 7cm and malhaetjanha, who've inadvertently become my inspirations to write again. i'll probably post brief footnotes at the end of each chapter explaining korean/medical terminology used in the chapter. this was originally meant to be a one-shot but i got so many thoughts and whatnot that i had to expand it beyond just a brief fic! there's a lot unexplained (i'm sorry that things are kinda all over the place cus this chap was written on my phone and completely unbeta'd) but i'll do my best to unravel things as the story progresses and if there's anything you want clarification on or more details on, just lemme know in the comments below (or @50SHIEM on twitter!) now that i read back on it it seems so crappy and horrible and T.T i'll try to make things a little more interesting in the next chapter! thanks for reading ♥
> 
> a little update on their ages:  
> jinyoung, 1992, turning 25  
> jaebum, 1992 (early), turning 26  
> yugyeom, 1995, turning 22  
> irene, 1991, turning 26  
> seokjin, 1990, turning 27
> 
> terms:   
> uisa seonsaengnim- doctor  
> renal- medical term for 'kidney'  
> order- orders from the doctor of what kind of treatment is to be administered to a patient  
> fistula- arteriovenous fistula; when a vein and artery in the arm (usually in the forearm, but can be at the elbow, upper arm, or wrist) are surgically connected and the blood pressure forces the walls of the blood vessel to thicken and the passageway is widened, for easier insertion of dialysis needles  
> 14 gauge- average thickness of a dialysis needle  
> tortuous- full of twists and turns  
> thrill- purring or vibration, indicates bloodflow through the fistula  
> hemophiliac- a blood disorder in which blood doesn't clot normally, causing prolonged bleeding even from small injuries  
> dialysis- a treatment for kidney disease when a kidney transplant is not available; patients are hooked up to a machine that draws out the blood from their body, filters out toxins, and pumps it back in 3-4x weekly for 4-5h each 


End file.
